Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
