Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
