Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
