I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
