I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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