Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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