you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
