I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
