next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
