no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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