I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize