the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
