I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I look better un-naked...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
