that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
