just come out here and I will go home with you...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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