Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
this hospital has no fireball
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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