Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
