I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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