i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
