am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
