my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
