He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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