does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
