Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
