Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
