So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
