Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
