Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
