..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
