You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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