Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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