Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
