Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
