just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
