He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i will never coherently bang her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
