He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
