apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
