I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
