just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
