Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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