I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
