Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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