the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
