Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
