Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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