If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
