Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
