So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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