I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
