if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
