literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm like, not good at living.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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