i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
