Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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