And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
