Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
